Andy, The Alarm Rooster

If you've been reading Wackemall.com then you already know I'm writing real people into imaginary situations but what you might not realize is that some of the situations are very much real. For example, the bear scene in episode #41. Hellphone actually happened to me. And before you ask, yes it did scare the crap out of me.

Most recently I added Ms Bobbie Sonner, to fill in for me back home while my character is on the lam.You'll also notice I recently included a real performance by the Raving Knaves, a great Punk Rock band from right here in Greensboro, North Carolina. And the places are real too.

Soon I'll introduce you to Andy, the Alarm Rooster. He'll become part of the story as well. Andy is also real and lives in my back yard along with Mr Green Jeans and the rest of my flock. I didn't plan on having 2 roosters but growing up Andy didn't exhibit any traits of being a male so I thought Andy was an Annie. Andy would squat in submission just like the hens when Mr Green Jeans, myself or the dominant hens touched him, run from everything that moved and in his youth was the easiest bird to handle I've ever owned. He used to follow me all over the yard, jump in my lap anytime I sat down and loved to be petted-- behaviors very uncommon for roosters. And while Andy doesn't warm up to people the way he used to he is still what folks would consider a very gentle rooster.

But Andy has this peculiar habit unlike any other rooster I've ever owned. At night, whenever anyone or anything other than my cat walks into my yard, Andy starts crowing his fool head off. 'Possum, raccoon, prowler, me, anything other than that black feral cat and Andy goes off in about 2 seconds flat. Mr Green Jeans, he sleeps right through it but not young Andy.

When it comes to watching out for hawks and finding food for the flock Andy is just about useless. He's oblivious to threats from overhead and digging in the garden? He acts as he might be afraid he'll get his feet dirty. Only one hen in the entire flock will allow him to mate with her, the rest chase him across the yard pulling out his tail feathers every time he tries. And fighting off a predator? Andy runs from the squirrls so that ain't going to happen. I swear I think I've seen the cat laughing at him. But it was just about the time that I was deciding that Andy was going to have to go that he started displaying this newfound talent for working nights as a security guard so with that in mind I've decided to keep him on a little longer.

After all, Andy works for chicken feed.

Thoughts So Far?

I guess a few of my readers are wondering just who the Tall White Aliens happen to be. For that and how we rid our city of them you'll just have to wait, no spoilers here.

I do plan to go back later and add more photographs and video to the story. If you have pictures of any of the characters doing crazy stuff send them to recyclebill@gmail.com and I'll see if I can dream up a way to write them into the story. Please, no evidence unless it's against the Tall White Aliens. Any crimes my friends have committed are water under the bridge and paid for a long time ago. Besides, odds are good I already know about it.

You'll notice I've been referencing real places in the text of the story. That's because I like these places or they're places I go. As the story grows and our travels expand you can expect to see more. I've even considered commercial placements like is done in television and movies but thus far haven't done so.

Some of the inventions mentioned or variations of said inventions are actually going to be produced in limited numbers in our Burlington shop. That's right. Steve, Wooley, Donny and I really do have a shop in Downtown Burlington. Steve actually owns the property but all of our tools are there and as soon as we finish a few more repairs on the 1930s brick building we'll get started building bikes and other things including the Wackemall 750, the first of many Wackemall Motorcycles we hope to build right here in North Carolina.

You see, while I like to consider myself creative, it's Donny, Steve and Wooley who really know how to build things. I come up with ideas, they strip away the nonsense and make it real. That's what they do at their full time jobs and why we believe that together the four of us can do almost anything. Besides, like I write in the book, we enjoy our time together.

Our long term goal is to eventually exceed our ability to produce and be forced to hire other local manufacturers to make our products for us while we distribute them to retailers. Of course, we'll start out with an online store but retail is not where we want to stay. We see manufacturing as a key driver of the economy and dream of bringing at least a little bit of manufacturing back home to North Carolina and the USA.

And if I have to start giving away all my books online for free to make it happen? Well, I've penned something over 40 titles thus far, might as well put them to good use.

So What's Next?

It's time Steve, Donny and Wooley got some of the limelight and I took a back seat. After all, we are all in this thing together and they've certainly earned it. The problem for me is that this book is based on previous books in which they were never a part of. But that's okay as I'm sure if I ponder it long enough before going to sleep I'll be able to dream up some great adventures for the three of them in some of the upcoming chapters.

I also plan to wax poetic and get a little philosophical. Just remember, it's all fiction. Well, as far as anyone knows it's all fiction.

I Feel As If I'm Getting Too Much Attention

There's 5 main characters in this book but so far I'm the character that has gotten the most print-- far more than any of the rest. In a few minutes when I lay me down to sleep I'm going to try and suggest to myself that I dream of bigger rolls for the others. Will it work? I donno but in the past I have on occasion managed to influence my dreams so wish me luck so Donny, Steve and Wooley will all get the attention they deserve. After all, if it weren't for their support and tolerance I'd never be able to pen this story.

Does This Book Need Women?

Steve, Wooley and I were talking about the book today and wondering if perhaps it's time I added some strong sexy females and perhaps some romance. It's not something I would find hard to do but as Wooley is fond of saying, "Every solution creates its own set of problems."

You see, Wooley is a married man and my casting him with a seductive female might not go over well at home. Could I write his wife into the story? I'm going to walk very softly around that question.

Steve and his wife are legally separated so I guess it would be okay but his wife and I have been friends for over 20 years and she's not really a bad person... That said, she appreciates good fiction so I guess I would just need to make sure I write good fiction.

As for Donny and his wife? Donny didn't want to be in the book in the first place but as my brother and a partner in our business he got out voted 3 to 1. That said, I just can't see my sister-in-law filling a leading female role in the book so I just might need to write a female to opposite Donny. Or not.

And alas, there's me, divorced for 26 years with no prospects. Since I have no woman in my life should I make one up, pick someone I know and write her in as the hot female lead with which I have imaginary relations or cast some well known Hollywood starlet in the roll without her knowing.

Any women out there who want to be characters in a really unusual, if not well written, online novel? It could be a good opportunity for the right ladies. recyclebill@gmail.com

I Know How The Story Ends

I dream these stories as I write them but in most instances I know the ending almost as soon as I know the beginning. What I don't know is how I get from beginning to end.

Oh sure, sometimes I get waking glimpses, flashes into where the story is going to take me but sometimes those glimpses are simply alternate reality... er, I mean, alternate fiction sort of things that flash at me during my waking moments.

What really dictates where the story goes is what takes place in my dreams. I dream it then when I awake I pen it to paper or in recent years, type it to a computer hard drive. When I was working for a living it often mean I was about to lose another job. You see, and I know most won't understand, when I keep a story bottled up inside of me and don't stop doing everything else to get it out I literally become quite insane and impossible to deal with. The poems and stories I write are how I cope with the pressures of living in this crazy world. They are what stops me from becoming a school shooter or going postal.

Should you be scared? Should anyone be scared? Not as long as I'm being creative, off the wall, stubborn, argumentative and doing what most of you consider to be crazy things. It's when I stop being crazy and creative that you need worry.

Of course, writing isn't my only outlet. I torture the local political elite to no end, build things like the streetplane most of the world knows me for and believe it or not, Steve, Wooley, Donny and I really do work on and ride motorcycles. And someday we really do hope to turn it into a business. We invent things too. There was a time when I sang as well but a local doctor ruined that for me just as I landed a recording contract.

Anyway, as I was saying, the stories come out and I have to write them. The interruption of my life is something employers never learned to deal with and family barely tolerates probably only because they've seen what happens when I don't write. But as awkward as it is the process remains amazing even to this day watching these stories unfold in my dreams as livid as if they were a movie playing right before my eyes, short stories in a single nap, novels over a period of weeks or months, knowing all along where I'm going but never knowing how I'm going to get there.

So you see, for me, even knowing the ending doesn't ruin the story.

By the way, I just posted another chapter and another poem.

So What's This All About?

When I Were A Motorcycle is a novel in the making. But it's also a combination of things real and imagined. I began writing When I Were A Motorcycle as part of the recovery process after having lost my son, Jason Alan Jones as being creative helps me to heal. Sharing it online is a way to let friends, family, my therapist and the world know I've not given up hope for my own life. Besides, Jason loved off the wall and if my writing is anything it's off the wall. Not great, just off the wall.

I didn't plan for it to be but as it turns out this newest novel is one of several sequels to The Adventures Of The Vegetable Stalker. Perhaps you've seen me on Twitter @VeggieStalker though I'm most well known for writing BloggingPoet.com. Sadly, because of financial difficulties I was forced to remove over 10 years of archives from the web when I moved from paid to free servers about a year ago.

The other sequels were all online at one time or another and were titled, BILLY'S WILD SALSA COOKBOOK, Texmex For Rednecks And the Adventurers of the Wild Salsa Gang, SWEETFEED, The Autobiography of Jack T. Mule and THE RETURN OF THE VEGETABLE STALKER. I've also published several books in print but my only book currently in print is a children's book titled Reindeer Tales available from that giant online bookseller we all love and love to hate. Anyway, back to what this book is all about.

I've long been a fan of writing online because the Internet allows me depth the printed page does not. With no more than a hyperlink I can add another dimension to a page, paragraph, sentence or even a single word. See what I mean. The Internet also allows multimedia adding even more depth and dimension to what was before, just a flat piece of paper. Before I'm done I plan to add audio and video to this novel as well. I'm not saying these other mediums should be a substitute for great writing, just that they are tools that allow writers to do more, tools I want to try my hand at using.

But it won't end there. You're also going to see us build stuff, invent things and restore a real motorcycle from the ground up as the completed novel will include what is commonly known as a motorcycle build thread written right into the story line. You see, like the story says, I really do sometimes get old motorcycles from salvage yards for parts or restoration.

So what are the things we'll be inventing. Well for starters, without giving away any trade secrets, my partners and I are already working on an anti carjacking device that could be factory installed on new cars or retrofitted to used cars. No, it won't be cheap but it will send the bad guys away. We'll unveil it in the pages of this novel as part of the story.

I'm also thinking I might highlight some talent. Writing this story is going to be a long time in the making and will involve some actual travel. We're going to turn you on to some of the folks who turn us on in the process, as part of the story. Yeah, we might have to drag a few of them outside of their normal comfort zones into things they don't normally do but you, I and them will all be better off for it. Now if I could just convince my brother Donny that nothing bad will come from being written into this novel. After all, I wrote my youngest brother, Ronny, into BILLY's WILD SALSA COOKBOOK and nothing bad happened to him.

So take a look around the site. The Table of Contents will help you keep up with the story, the Blog (what you're reading now) will let you know what's going on behind the scenes, Motomusings is simply everything that is posted as it's posted and The Motorcycle Speaks are the many poems told to myself and others by the Wackemall 750 motorcycle as he tells his life's stories in no particular order.

And please, don't forget to check back often. Who knows, you might find you're a character in the story.